When dealing with friends and children, actions speak louder than words. And we tend to notice when the words aren’t matching up with actions. You could try pointing out the behavior, but that often causes an argument, as the other person doesn’t get it. Or, you could choose to ignore the problem and hope that it changes on its own. But, if you choose the latter, it could be months or years before the anger subsides.
Few of us would deliberately cause pain to others, but in the heat of the moment, stuff happens. I wrote a few weeks ago about “releasing control” in order to deal with unwanted deeds and manners. But there are other things that we can do when we feel wronged, beginning with letting go of the need to act based on vengeance. Why bother obsessing over another person’s actions when we don’t have to? It makes more sense to refocus on how our actions affect ourselves and others and whether we are in a healthy frame of mind or not.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone behaved and acted the way you’d want them to? If everyone was polite, kind, respectful, considerate, and generous? Unfortunately, not everyone is like that, and you may find yourself surrounded by rude, inconsiderate individuals. So how do you handle these people? You don’t. You walk away.
8 Tips to Handle the Unwanted Deeds and Manners:
- Give the person the benefit of the doubt or apologize. If someone behaves rudely and putdown you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, we react in anger without even knowing why, so when someone acts like that to you, consider the possibility that maybe it’s their fault. Give the person the benefit of the doubt or apologize.
- Communicate. Communication is a two-way street, and to communicate effectively, both parties must be willing to open up and be honest. Even if you’re with someone you trust, it’s easy to say things without thinking of the impact those words can have on another person.
- Don’t go to gossip. Gossip can be fun, but it can feel stressful when you have to deal with it. Poser, backbite, and rumor-mongering are all well and good, but what do you do when one of your close friends has the good manners to talk behind your back?
- Don’t lie. Sometimes we realize too late that we have been misled by someone after they have made us believe they were doing one thing and we’re actually doing another. What complicates matters is that even before we realize that we have been misled, we may get caught in that lie. For example, if you thought your friend was being honest with you about the color of their dress when really, they were wearing black, then you may have just wasted five minutes of your life.
- Avoid getting into arguments or debates. Dealing with rude behavior from co-workers or other adults can be difficult, especially if it’s happening on a regular basis. However, being rude is not the only way to deal with people you don’t like or don’t agree with—there is a more subtle, more diplomatic approach.
- Let people express themselves. People express themselves in many ways. Some express themselves verbally, while some express themselves physically. Be tolerant of others, and be prepared to handle anybody’s behavior. Don’t take it personally.
- Keep your cool. When something goes wrong, it is natural to want to point the finger at the other person and try to solve the problem. But doing so only escalates the situation and can lead to hurt feelings, and hurt feelings don’t solve anything. So, in addition to being calm, you need to be able to keep your cool when someone else is in the wrong.
- Do something nice for them. I always tell my students, teachers, and grandkids that good manners are one of the most precious gifts you can give another person. Most of us are brought up with some form of good manners; “please” and “thank you” are proper ways of common greetings, for example. However, as adults, we can be so involved in our daily lives we don’t make time for children or the elderly, forgetting that these simple gestures can help make someone’s day.
Life is full of challenges, but challenges can also present us with opportunities to overcome difficulties. Sometimes, these challenges are our own making, such as when we work with rude or egotistical people. Regardless, these tips can help you handle unwanted deeds and manners.